A Glimpse of Grace
Tonight I just experienced one of the hardest moments so far in my short tenure in fatherhood. God’s blessed us with a very good little boy, but the last few nights his stubbornness has really come out at bedtime. For whatever reason, Landon just doesn’t want to go to sleep. He’ll just stand in his crib and cry and sometimes scream. We established a bedtime routine almost from day 1 and nothing’s changed since then, so we know he’s perfectly fine and nothing is wrong with him – he’s just being stubborn.
Tonight he started up again. Carrie and I both looked at each other and agreed to give him a few minutes to see if he’d calm himself down. Didn’t happen. Before I went into his room, I said a little prayer asking God to give me wisdom in what to do. See, I’m new at all of this – all I’ve ever wanted in life is to be a good husband and be a good dad, but more importantly, I want to raise my little boy to love God and serve Him. Although some may disagree, I think all of that starts right now, at this young and tender age.
So I went in and picked him up and he was sobbing uncontrollably. Whether or not you’re irritated/frustrated in those moments or not, as a parent, that’s just a sucky situation… you never want to hear your kids cry. I just held him tight in my arms – which made him even more mad while he tried to fight and pull against me, kicking and screaming. This went on for a good 10 minutes or so and finally he just gave up, went limp and fell asleep in my arms. I kissed him goodnight, told him I loved him and he’s been asleep ever since. Of course, I may be repeating this process later tonight and tomorrow! 
As soon as I sat down from putting him to sleep though, it’s as if God whispered in my ear: “See, that’s what I’ve had to do with YOU all these years!” I’ve kicked and fought God a lot over the course of my life, and just like I held Landon tightly in my arms, God’s held me in His arms all of these years waiting for me to quiet down and stop fighting. Wow. Message heard God, loud and clear!
People gave us a lot of advice when they found out we were going to have a baby. 99.9% I completely forgot, if I ever really heard it to begin with. But one thing I’ll never forget is something my friend and pastor told us – he said your kids will help demonstrate God’s love for you, more than you will ever have understood otherwise. I’m starting to understand that now. Tonight gave me just a small glimpse of God’s grace… one of many lessons to follow, I’m sure.
“Have you forgotten how good parents treat children, and that God regards you as his children? My dear child, don’t shrug off God’s discipline, but don’t be crushed by it either. It’s the child he loves that he disciplines; the child he embraces, he also corrects. God is educating you; that’s why you must never drop out. He’s treating you as dear children. This trouble you’re in isn’t punishment; it’s training, the normal experience of children. Only irresponsible parents leave children to fend for themselves. Would you prefer an irresponsible God? We respect our own parents for training and not spoiling us, so why not embrace God’s training so we can truly live? While we were children, our parents did what seemed best to them. But God is doing what is best for us, training us to live God’s holy best. At the time, discipline isn’t much fun. It always feels like it’s going against the grain. Later, of course, it pays off handsomely, for it’s the well-trained who find themselves mature in their relationship with God.”
- Hebrews 12:5-11 (The Message)
